Hellspawn Cousins

As you progress through the awkward phase of teenagerdom you get less friendly and more impatient. between the ages of 13-15 the teenager undergoes a metamorphosis that  changes them from lovable children, to spotty, ill tempered assholes. It seems that as you reach the age of 13, your relatives suddenly decide to get as many children as biologically possible so that before you know it instead of looking at a baby with eyes filled with childlike wonder, you are soon (2 years later) looking at innumerable drooling little hooligans. Personally, as the eldest of my family and the one currently near the peak of my hormone boosted constant anger i have to deal with no less than 6 little terrors; Drooly, Scardey Cat, Hyper

, Annoying and the Destructive Duo. They are currently arranged in ascending order of annoyance.

Anybody who has ever said that twins are cute has never actually had to deal with twins. The DD feel like they outnumber you and that it matters, this gives them the illusion that whatever they do, no matter how annoying they outnumber you which gives them an automatic win in any situation. The thing that makes these two particularly annoying is that they honestly believe that everything on earth belongs to them,
"but guys this is my laptop, i love it, you just saw it today"
"NO MINE"
And what they cannot have, they throw. Not necessarily destroy, nooo, they just take it and whoosh! it flies through the air. Many an antique was lost this way. I had never actually wanted to punch a child before them, but now i'm not so sure.

Annoying is a kid that thinks he is charming, strong and hilarious. He is not. He is an annoying little shit that
walks around with a smug expression and a better than everybody attitude. And God forbid any game played is won by anybody else, no! every game played with anybody ever he MUST win. Even if he doesn't actually win; he has won. Probably because if he doesn't win, he goes for the nuts.

Hyper is the most hyperactive little lunatic I have even heard of. Were it not for his relative ability to LISTEN he would be the top on my list. Hyper is not allowed any sugar or small animals (it ended very badly, with a lot of crying, I still shudder when I think of that poor hamster). He always ends his sentences with "right?" for no apparent reason and if you ever thinks to question the "right?" they will get a nonsensical argument from a 3 year old to why exactly he is right and you are wrong. if you continue to persist that he is wrong, he will scream, and God help us if he screams. The kid has the lungs of a heavy metal superstar and the voice of a panicked hamster.

Scardey Cat is the cutest baby ever born. His hair is like angel silk, his crying is almost melodic and his smile makes angels cry tears of joy. And for some reason he is totally terrified of me. This is extremely annoying, the only cute thing among monsters hates and fears me for no apparent reason! WHY ME?! Eventually he will ascend to heaven and truly become one with the universe.

Drooly is a fat little thing that waddles around the room and drools on stuff. And that's all he does. Drool. Drool on people, animals, inanimate objects and himself. He reminds me of a penguin. but with more slobber. I believe someday, he will be a genius.

Dogs in Jordan

On the subject of dogs the small country of Jordan is perplexed. Due to unison of religion and state the entire country is quite unsure of what to think about dogs. One one side the Quran says dogs are dirty, but on the other it says to treat all animals with care and respect; and as confusion usually does this bred a new emotion for Jordanians to feel about dogs. Pant-shitting terror.

Allow me to elaborate. Having any dog in Jordan (even stupid looking toy dogs) breeds much the same feeling from other civilians as having an enormous pitbull with an extra arm attached to his teeth usually would. They perceive all dogs with abject terror and their owners with the respect specially reserved for those who own weapons of mass destruction. This abject terror leads Jordanians to abuse dogs, which leads to the dogs biting and causing more even more terror than before.

One time my family and I were on a hike to what we called "Crazy Castle"; a castle built by an architect who didn't understand that regal does not come in brown swirls. It kind of looks like The Kremlin except without the good taste. It was my mother, father, brother, myself and our enormous German Shepherd Peppers.

Peppers was the most lovable dog in the history of dogdom. He slobbered, followed commands and was always happy, he never bit anyone. Anyway we broke into Crazy Castle through a hole in the fence and soon began checking out the ugly (and empty) interior. While commenting on how ugly it was an unfamiliar face poked out of the staircase and began shouting things along the lines of "get out", "trespassers" and "you're not supposed to be here".

The guard continued along this path until the dog bobbed along happily next to us, content with his little exploration. The guard paled, really went white and soon the only sound was the dogs' happy slobbering. The first words out of his mouth were:

. We decided that we would like to continue exploring so we went for "oh yes. on command."

The man then proceeded to respectfully tell us to please leave once done with our exploration. We explored a bit but bored with this place, we left through the much more convenient front door accompanied by a goodbye and "have a safe journey" from the guard.

Respect.