Before I start this story, I need you to understand that I have the bare minimum in dress sense. The barest of the bare, like, just enough to be respectful (tux at wedding and funeral and that's it) otherwise I judge by comfort, for example: hoodies galore, yak wool gloves, sweatpants and yellow crocs.
Basically, I don't understand formal dress and this sometimes poses a problem, especially at fancy restaurants.
I show up at a fancy restaurant (like, sushi at the top floor of a hotel fancy) dressed like this and I sit down next to my (equally hobolike) buddy Celien. We grumbled for a full half an hour about how hungry we were while looking at a menu.
We could see the waiters wondering if we were hobos who just wandered in and contemplating kicking us out. Eventually our friends; SLJ and his (then) girlfriend Teeny showed up and we ate.
Fast forward a bit, we're going down the agonizingly slow elevator and the "cute couple" (ugh) are being all coy and feeding each other candy. While Teeny is pitched over in the middle of popping candy into SLJ's mouth while he's on one foot, ballet style.
The elevator stops at the fifth floor. The door opens and a resident of the hotel (a little old man) steps into the elevator. We each ,embarrassingly, shuffle into a corner of the elevator, with the elderly man in the middle. Embarrassment quickly turns into tension. You could practically smell the tension. The tension in this fucking elevator is palatable. It tastes like sushi and shame. Between the 4th and 3rd floor, Teeny coughs. It's all it takes. The pent up idiocy goes off,erupts,explodes and each of us is practically on the floor with laughter, while this little old man in the middle wonders what the floating unicorn fuck just happened.
I am quite literally on the floor by this point, SLJ slumped by the side of the elevator totally spent, Celien is looking at the floor, her shaggy mane covering her idiotic grin and Teeny is just done, turned towards a corner and sniggering like a shroom addict. The old guy thought we were totally baked. Eventually we reached the ground floor and, again, lost it at the sight of three old women who gave us the dirtiest looks. We stumbled out of the elevator and were promptly kicked out.
Creds to buddy Celien for the illustrations and much more; without you, my awesomeness would be greatly diminished.
I show up at a fancy restaurant (like, sushi at the top floor of a hotel fancy) dressed like this and I sit down next to my (equally hobolike) buddy Celien. We grumbled for a full half an hour about how hungry we were while looking at a menu.
Fast forward a bit, we're going down the agonizingly slow elevator and the "cute couple" (ugh) are being all coy and feeding each other candy. While Teeny is pitched over in the middle of popping candy into SLJ's mouth while he's on one foot, ballet style.
I am quite literally on the floor by this point, SLJ slumped by the side of the elevator totally spent, Celien is looking at the floor, her shaggy mane covering her idiotic grin and Teeny is just done, turned towards a corner and sniggering like a shroom addict. The old guy thought we were totally baked. Eventually we reached the ground floor and, again, lost it at the sight of three old women who gave us the dirtiest looks. We stumbled out of the elevator and were promptly kicked out.
Creds to buddy Celien for the illustrations and much more; without you, my awesomeness would be greatly diminished.
