Fuck Assemblies

Assemblies are the useless forced gatherings most schools participate in for no apparent reason. Assemblies usually take place for one of three reasons:
-Some illiterate motherfucker decided that sending an e-mail is too hard
-A school-wide scolding for something that could have been resolved with one well placed punishment
-Some activity or ceremony or something

My school is remarkably awful at presenting all 3 of these. The almost humorously boring, cluttered assemblies that try to cram a semester of bullshit into a single, one hour fuckfest of information do much more than merely annoy me. They inspire an almost psychotic hatred withing me that strives to demolish anything done by the school ever again. This is probably because they are so clumsily organized, idiotically planned and moronically presented.

Allow me to introduce Zuzu, our koala bear-like counselor.

He is an idiot. Actually no ,allow me to reiterate, I perceive him as an idiot because of one substance abuse assembly he gave. This assembly was not only boring, not only useless but actually counter-effective by getting me to want to try marijuana. He first basically told us: "listen here you ninth grade little shits, here's a movie about the least damaging drug, marijuana." The movie basically repeated "marijuana is addictive, do not do it" around 50 times in a lame attempt to brainwash us, all the while showing us videos of people smoking pot at parties and looking like they are enjoying themselves immensely. After watching this I wanted to try pot, not only to spite Zuzu, but because it looked like such fun.

Now we fast forward a few years, the Arabic teacher, Ms. Hun (like Attila the Hun),

has provided us with a guest speaker to speak to us about the real meaning of citizenship and nationality. To his credit the man was well spoken and made sense, even if he was a little boring. Question time comes up and one of the class morons asks "are you a traitor if you leave (immigrate from) your country?". The speaker "begins with "No, no, why would you be? if economy or health permits you to then by all means leave."

 Now, Attila the Hun was known for tearing his victims apart limb from limb by hand. Ms. Hun looked like she would do that to the speaker. She bust into the conversation like an angry rhinoceros and proceeded to subtly tell off the guest speaker in the form of a thinly veiled question, basically stating that "you cannot leave your country, ever. I don't care if you are unhappy and dying of super cancer diabetes, the cure of which is outside of the country. You must stay... forever" and the man, being courteous and respectful of the schools brainwashing played along. Probably making a mental note to never visit this school ever again. This astounded me, I mean, you bring the guy so that he can reveal to the students his hard earned opinion and knowledge, then chastise him and attempt to replace it with your own in order to continue your personal agenda.
How rude.

Nix

Many of the teachers in our school have an alarming habit of being ummm... strange. Some show their strangeness through rage, others through awesomeness but the vast majority manifest it through mood swings more random and diverse than the most hormone shot teenager ever recorded in human history. Nix displays all of these.

Nix Spinach is our chemistry teacher, he looks like this.

Have you ever seen those films with the monk who one second can barely move and is karate chopping his way through ninjas the next. Nix is like that with his ruler. The weapon of his choice can turn the usually ill-tempered but harmless Nix into a volatile knight in milliseconds.

Nix owns a cat. He (unlike most Jordanians) neither fears them, nor regards them as disgusting. This is why when a cat randomly waltzed into the Administration, he was the gallant warrior who took charge. He went over,bravely and lovingly picked up the cat, and tossed it out of the window. Our horror as bystanders was apparently evident as he felt the need to reassure us: