I Hate The History Channel

Everybody has a channel they hate; some hate Disney, others FOX and others HBO, but the channel i hate is The History Channel.The History Channel gives us 98% crap shows claiming that pawnshops, guns and geriatric trucks are integral parts of human history and development and 2% real history which i love with all my soul. There are three main reasons why i feel the director of The History Channel should be thrown naked from a helicopter into the South Pole.

 1. Real history is much more interesting than crappy trucks. I would much rather watch a long running show about the conquests of the mongols than a long running show about repairing junk taken from the cold dead hands of an old hobo.

2. Although the world wars are very important historical events, they are not the only thing to ever happen in the history of the world.
3. Ancient Aliens. just Ancient Aliens. This is a reason on its own.

I have an intense hatred for Ancient Aliens that is hotter than 10,000 suns. Ancient Aliens pisses me off because it is a gathering of pretentious dipshits, preaching their theories without any conclusive evidence more damning than " this ancient drawing is disproportionate and looks kind of wonky, THEREFORE IT MUST BE AN ALIEN!!!!!" Ancient Aliens is a gathering of every failed writer and crackpot conspiracy theorist being given their own show; i have never seen a single scientist or archaeologist on the show. Ever. They are all UFO enthusiasts rejected for being a bit too insane by people who very seriously believe that Gluten is from off planet, Napoleon was abducted by aliens and modern day white trash zones are the ultimate in alien meeting places.

But really i might forgive this if it wasn't for the fact that they give the explanation for ANY unknown phenomenon and human achievement as being the work of extraterrestrials.
"Magnetic rocks are arranged in shapes in the middle of nowhere, ALIEN LANDING PAD!!!!!"
" Many ancient religions show intercourse between gods and humans, MUST BE ALIENS GENETIC MODIFICATION!!!!!"
" Pythagoras theorem is used before he is born, ALIENS MUST HAVE HELPED OUT!!!!!"
 (These are all real examples by the way)
"a cat crosses the road, we don't know why, IT MUST BE AN ALIEN!!!!!"

I am totally and utterly sick of watching middle aged men with uncontrollable hair and weak thin goatees blaming every myth, legend or unexplained event on "extraterrestrials". I mean what does extra terrestrials even mean, like actually mean; Terra is Latin for Earth and according to the Merriam Webster dictionary terrestrial means " of or relating to the earth or its inhabitants", so does extraterrestrial mean extra human?

I feel if aliens actually do visit in the future, if they somehow find Ancient Aliens they will be at least highly creeped out if not sickened; like visiting a new friends house and finding a closet full of your toenails, painstakingly arranged and stored in jars next to stalker photographs of yourself.

My Introduction to Pokemon

My school, although in a third world country was like most schools; nobody drove a camel there, we had a gymnasium, a parking lot and a playground, and in that playground we like many other schools, had gangs. But unlike other schools, who had numerous gangs of 16 year old menaces to society, we had two gangs of 3rd graders. The Pokemon gang which was composed of three poor little shits and the immense star wars gang.

There were regular gang battles(much to the Pokemon gangs dismay)that usually ended with preemptive detention and a ban on fraternizing with the enemy. Being the curious bugger i was,one recess I crept up to them (thinking i was the sneakiest life-form ever conceived) and began my investigation on these
"losers"

My infiltration was to me... Successful, but as with most half assed sappy movies, eventually we became fast
friends, as close as Jackie Chan and that black guy.

Although that was my introduction to the word Pokemon, you would have to fast forward four years into the future to a fateful Thursday to find me undergo the mental transition of Pokemon changing from an anime about a kid who sounds like he's been gargling razor blades to an epic game that turns cute animals into gladiators fighting for your pleasure with the loser being robbed of his dignity and money

and it all began with Pokemon Colosseum 2, a controller in my hand and a test of loyalty to the old gang. (Y'know what, i have tried three analogies to attempt to describe the speed and brutality of my turning against my old gang, none were remotely funny. i just turned against my old gang very quickly and brutally) . I was scared though, it really was terrifying to me,a whole new experience. I felt i needed a tether to attach me to what i know. That tether was Chewbacca. When i saw the legendary beast of fire, for some reason i thought: this guy could totally rip out a few Stormtroopers arms out, and so Chewbacca II was born. As i got more absorbed I developed new loves, but my heart will always be with Chewbacca.